On The Lighter Side

We have a very serious profession, but sometimes we laugh in the classroom, and sometimes our students get to laugh at us. There have been many times I have afforded my class this opportunity, usually not on purpose. Here are just a few of my faux pas throughout the years:
Style
First, I am glad to say that I have hair left to talk about!  I have worn it long, short, and medium in my career, and seldom really thought about it too much. Not spending a lot of time in front of mirrors, my haircuts were of little consequence to me. About fifteen years ago, I learned how to cut my own hair, and I suppose I saved a great deal of money. I was teaching a math class one day, when a nice young student chimed in saying, "you got a haircut Mr. Morsches?"  As was my custom in those days, I replied "yes, and I gave it to myself" feeling very proud and self-sufficient. A second later, another student added simply "it's obvious." There was a moment's pause then the whole class erupted into laughter - I gave up the self-service right then and there.
Where is My Podium?
I do a great deal of teaching and training in many places.  I don't care what the room looks like, where the training takes place, whether or not I get paid, how long it is, how much time I have to prepare, what the subject is, but I do demand one thing - that I have a podium! A few months ago, I showed up to do a session for a group in Indiana, and they proudly showed me their very expensive podium. I looked at it, smiled sadly and shook my head no.  They were kind, and wheeled the massive glass podium out of the room and brought in an old plain wooden version.  I was happy! I suppose you are wondering about the etiology of this idiosyncrasy?  Well, it has been long enough now that I can talk about it. I was doing a workshop for a group of teachers I had never worked with before in a building I had never been in either. It was a school that had been closed for years, and they were just then remodeling it floor by floor. They had finished the third floor, and there was only one very large room with very few pieces of furniture in it - there were tables and chairs, and nothing else. I was to stand at the front of the room and deliver the lecture, and forty teachers would be seated around a U shaped table set up. It was an eight hour training, and we were miles away from any other places.  Once there, we were there with no other resources.  I showed up early, and to my consternation, I noticed that all the participants were women; I prefer mixed groups. At the appointed hour, I stood up, went to the front of the room and stood behind a very small table and introduced myself.  As I moved into the material, less than two minutes after I started, only two minutes into the eight hour ordeal, the zipper on my pants busted!  It was the longest day of my life.
I Have One Now!
Has anyone asked you what your most embarrassing moment was? Do you hate these kinds of questions because you really don't have an answer, or if you do, you certainly don't want to share?  Well, I used to dislike this particular question because I had no definitive anecdote for this inquiry. Thankfully   (I guess), that all changed one day.  I now have no difficulty conjuring a response!  Ten years ago, I was asked to do a study skills workshop for a group of students at my college.  I had done this workshop a hundred times and it was very popular. That day, my boss had called me to her office and asked me to look into a problem with some employment applications. Dutifully, I dug into them and got lost in the work. After a few hours, I figured out the problem and congratulated myself on my brilliance and went back to my office. When I got there, there were several students and a colleague waiting for me. They had a funny look on their faces, and I was quite puzzled. Finally, my friend asked me where I was supposed to be right then - they were all barely containing their laughter. Horribly, I came to me that I had forgotten to go to my own workshop! A Memory Workshop!  It was more than six years before I did not hear about this incident every day.
OOPS
There is an old saying in the EFL business that if you make a mistake in language, it will be vulgar.  Many of the mistakes I have made in the classroom to my students glee have been such things, and I will not list them here! (If you want to know, ask me privately :) 
Your Turn
If you have stories you would like to share (that are PG-13) please submit them - it does our souls good to laugh at our own egos!